God is really trying to teach me a lot during this stage of life. I say "trying" because I've been a little hardheaded and unteachable at times. While this season is filled with incredible joy and countless blessings, it's also REALLY HARD. I had no idea how mentally, physically, and spiritually exhausting it would be to have two children. Especially when one of them is two.
Holly is having some trouble adjusting to the changes in the household. We had seem tantrums before Anna was born, but what's happening in our household these days is all the proof I need that we live in a fallen world. No one had to teach her to throw fits, scream, and fall on the floor to get her way. It's just in her (and boy, is it ever). I have to remind myself every day that, just as no one taught her to behave this way, no one ELSE will teach her to behave in a better way. That's Matt's and my job. We have our work cut out for us.
I stole away to a coffee shop for an hour yesterday to read, pray, and fill my spiritual tank. It's been pretty empty lately. It seems all my energy goes into being a good wife and mom (unfortunately not in that order), and I'm left feeling guilty that I'm not able to be a good daughter, sister, friend, disciple. God used this time to show me that I've been relying on my own strength to do it all. As I was reading a book my friend Dana gave me, Tender Mercies for a Mother's Soul, something the author said struck me. She said that, when she's parenting in her own strength, she's "great on a good day, and hopeless on a bad day." This pretty much sums me up. When things are good, I'm on top of the world. When days are 75% filled with tantrums and power struggles, I just want to throw in the towel.
I spent much of my time reading, thinking, and writing about the fruit of the Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). How much easier would my job be if I was fully tapping into the power of the Spirit that lives within me? And, more importantly, how much more would I be glorifying God?
So this is my goal in the coming days. To lean on God alone to fill my well and lighten my heart. And as these difficult (and joyous!) days roll by, I will remember this:
"I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me." (Psalm 3:5)
So, let me tell you about the last hour. I took Holly upstairs for her nap and could tell this might be a rough one. She was pretty wound up and playful. I've wondered for a few weeks now if she's getting close to dropping her naps altogether, as they're getting shorter and shorter. But Mommy isn't ready for that, so it's not happening. Well, not without a fight.
I get downstairs and immediately hear "Mommy! Mommy!". When I went back in to check on her, Holly said "I'm all done!" Really? Don't think so. I came back down.
About 2 minutes later I hear her at the top of the stairs. When I got there, she said "My fingers! My fingers!" With a sinking and knowing feeling I asked what was on her fingers. Yep, she said it. "Poop." Got her cleaned up (I think? Who really knows where else it could be?) and put her back in bed.
Then, "Mommy! Mommy!" This time I needed to hug her animals goodnight. Hugged the gloworm and the tiger. Back downstairs.
Then I hear her on the monitor, playing with toys in her room. A few minutes go by, and then... "Mommy! Mommy! I need help with my sheets!" I go upstairs and pull the sheet and blanket over her. With a stern "I'm not coming in here again" I left the room. She must have believed me, because I haven't heard her again (I'm still waiting as I type this). I'm glad she believed me, because I don't think I believed myself. The truth is, the whole thing has been pretty amusing. I'm sort of curious what she might come up with next...
Well, Anna's nap is officially over. So much for coordinating naptimes.
I sat down at the computer this morning with just a few moments to enjoy my coffee before the craziness of the day began. Knowing I had just minutes before one or both girls would wake up, but feeling the need to feed my soul some Truth to start the day, I visited my friend Candace's blog and prayed "Please let there be a new devotion!" Candace has an amazing and ever-growing heart for God, and the gift to share His heart through words. This morning I needed some words.
I read this post from Monday and wanted to share it. Interestingly, most of it is taken from another woman's blog (so this is a post of a post of a post of a another website - confused?). I related to this mom's words, and I wanted to share them. It's not just for moms, or women. It's a reminder for all that God sees as as we were created to be, and who He is making us to be.
Thank you, Candace, for using your gifts to build up the body of Christ.
This kind of dining was a first for me, but I have a feeling it won't be my last.
