God is really trying to teach me a lot during this stage of life. I say "trying" because I've been a little hardheaded and unteachable at times. While this season is filled with incredible joy and countless blessings, it's also REALLY HARD. I had no idea how mentally, physically, and spiritually exhausting it would be to have two children. Especially when one of them is two.
Holly is having some trouble adjusting to the changes in the household. We had seem tantrums before Anna was born, but what's happening in our household these days is all the proof I need that we live in a fallen world. No one had to teach her to throw fits, scream, and fall on the floor to get her way. It's just in her (and boy, is it ever). I have to remind myself every day that, just as no one taught her to behave this way, no one ELSE will teach her to behave in a better way. That's Matt's and my job. We have our work cut out for us.
I stole away to a coffee shop for an hour yesterday to read, pray, and fill my spiritual tank. It's been pretty empty lately. It seems all my energy goes into being a good wife and mom (unfortunately not in that order), and I'm left feeling guilty that I'm not able to be a good daughter, sister, friend, disciple. God used this time to show me that I've been relying on my own strength to do it all. As I was reading a book my friend Dana gave me, Tender Mercies for a Mother's Soul, something the author said struck me. She said that, when she's parenting in her own strength, she's "great on a good day, and hopeless on a bad day." This pretty much sums me up. When things are good, I'm on top of the world. When days are 75% filled with tantrums and power struggles, I just want to throw in the towel.
I spent much of my time reading, thinking, and writing about the fruit of the Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). How much easier would my job be if I was fully tapping into the power of the Spirit that lives within me? And, more importantly, how much more would I be glorifying God?
So this is my goal in the coming days. To lean on God alone to fill my well and lighten my heart. And as these difficult (and joyous!) days roll by, I will remember this:
"I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me." (Psalm 3:5)
3 comments:
Well, whether or not you feel like it, one word describes you darlin'. That word is incredible.
Ah... a breath of fresh air for the mommy's soul. Thank you for that post, dear friend.
And hang in there- it will get easier. Having a two-year-old and an infant is about as crazy-makin as it gets! It's such good training in patience and service, though, right?
You're a wonderful momma and the heart of the Father is for you. Blessings for the journey!
Candina
Thank you for the encouragement, sweet friends!
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